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Strength found in weakness

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I wanted to be strong.

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I wanted to be a good girl.

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Otherwise,

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I believed, no one would ever love me.

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So I hid my weakness,

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shame, guilt, and emotional scars

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all inside.

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People saying “you are such a good girl”

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made me somewhat happy,

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but I knew the mess in my heart behind my mask

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and I hated myself for it.

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Growing up, my parents have taught me

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that God exists

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and that He loves me.

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But I thought He, just like everyone else,

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would love me only if I stay “good”.

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As I learned more about God in depth,

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I learned that what I hid inside was never hidden from Him.

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He knew it all and yet loved me.

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Regardless of what I could or couldn’t do,

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His love remained the same.

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God has loved me without holding back.

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Even in my worst,

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feeling like no one loved me,

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God still loved me.

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Knowing that,

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I was able to accept my weakness and came to God the way I am.

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Then God’s love was poured out  like rain on me-

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and I felt my guilt,

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shame,

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and the feeling of not-enough

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being all washed away.

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True strength is given by God’s love,

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through the Cross of Jesus.

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I don’t need to strive alone.

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When I am weak,

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through my weakness,

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His strength is revealed even greater.

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Now I don’t need to compare  myself with others

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to make sure I am “ok”.

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I am more than “ok” in God’s eyes.

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I am weak

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but loved by the Greatest Love.

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That’s me with strength.

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That is how I received the Good News.